The Road not Taken: Destiny?

One very important aspect in life that I can see degrading is that people less and less taking responsibility of their own action or decision. People blames other, sue somebody of something that actually their own fault – even blaming destiny! What people forget is that it is their own decision that attract their own destiny, nothing to do with others.

Two (2) Types of People About Destiny

According to my opinion, in general, there are 2 kinds of people:
Type 1: All those people who believes that our destiny has been written on the rock, in other words, pre-determined.
Type 2: All those people who believes that we ourselves are the one in charge of our own destiny.

I am definitely the type 2 person. I believe, your decision that lead to your own action or in-action are the one that form your future, hence your destiny. All other people and object around you may influence or try to divert your direction, but at the end it is your own decision, yours only, nobody else…

Please be note that all this type has nothing to do nor corresponds with any religion or faith. Any religion and any faith, or even the one without one can still be categorized into above two – of course with slightly different argument.

In my opinion, the type 1 philosophy has a major flaw, it creates complacency (“a state on unconcern” or “self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies”).

For example: suppose we know that a man has destiny to die at 50 years old. If this destiny has been predetermined, no matter how hard he tried to live active and healthy it will not matter as at 50 he will die anyway. Or even worse, since he knows that he will die 50 years old, then he just don’t do anything at all, knowing he will die at 50 anyway.

For me , that is totally wrong. Let say that man has destiny to die at 50 years old now because he has bad health or lifestyle and all. But now he decided to turn it around, eat healthy, active lifestyle, do regular sport and become role model. Then because of this tremendous effort, the destiny need to be re-written and he will not die at 50, but maybe changes to 80 years.

Unfortunately, in reality, we have a little bit problem: we don’t know really what is our destiny. Hence people with type 1 and people with type 2 can argue with the same of randomness and no one can verify who is right.

Taking Responsibility

Therefore, let’s forget for a while about the 2 type of people above – maybe we can agree on something: responsibility.
Don’t you agree that people individually should be responsible about what they do or do not do? Of course, you agree with this, otherwise the civil order will be in chaos…

But funnily enough some people still don’t get this…. Have a watch for once or twice a TV series call “Airways” (which filmed day to day operation of Tiger Airways in Australia with its drama) and have a laugh. You will see the supposed to be civilized member of community swearing and abusing staff because the staff won’t let them in. Why? Because they come late… It doesn’t matter 1 minute or 15 minutes, due to accident or due to lack of parking space or any other excuse, when you’re late it’s your own fault. If you’re late 15 minutes due to some traffics, then it is purely your own fault: why don’t you depart 20 minutes earlier – which make you not late, isn’t it? Try to explain this logic to people, some will refuse to accept – because they don’t have the courage to accept their own responsibility.

On bigger note, how about if people got hurt due to a contractor of pedestrian pathway forget to close a manhole? Say, a man walk carelessly and fall into the hole and suffer a broken leg and he sues the city.  Yes, the worker who forget to close the manhole deserves  the sack for job incompetence, but as long as the injury, you need to ask who is responsible to look after yourself during walking in public? thousands of people walk the same spot without tripping or injured. Why? because they look their way, if there is trap on your way, people has enough intelligence to avoid it. So, if a man did not see the trap, can the responsibility of looking after your own path be transfered to the city ? Of course not!

Or people who sue McDonald because the hot coffee that her order was “too hot” and burn her skin as she spill it herself…Absurd isn’ it ?

Don’t get me wrong, I am not against a litigation. If a product is faulty and the impact of its faultiness cannot be determined until it gives up, then it deserve a litigation. For example: you use a laptop normally and suddenly the laptop explode injuring your body. Fill free to sue the maker, they deserve it – because there is no way you know that it will explode.

Common sense it a good indicator… Unfortunately, many people has skewed common sense that it become no longer making sense.

The Road not Taken: Destiny ?

Now, let’s see about something in the past that you’re wondering, what if I took that decision ? – the road not taken. Is this part of your destiny?

I will say firmly, Yes. Because it’s done deal already – it has become history and become part of your life already, hence part of your destiny. And good or bad, you cannot deny this “destiny” – again it happened already.

And as we talk about responsibility above, you need to acknowledge that what has been happening, including the road not taken is directly a result of your own decision and action (or in-action) in the past. If you don’t like the result, then don’t make the same decision as it will lead to the same result (Remember definition of stupidity: doing the same over and over again but expecting different result?). But since you cannot go back in time and change your decision in the past, what you can do is to determine the better of your future.

Accept your past (your “destiny” in the past) and realize that you can make it better by making a better decision. Everything is up to you, not your parent, not your boss, not your financial planner, not your spouse… just you. Knowledge, religion, experience in the past will help you to make a better decision… If you are not sure, you can always ask the expert (don’t ask your friend, they are as clueless as you are) – ask your role model, ask your parent, ask your rabbi, priest or ustadz – if you are agree with what they say and want to do it, remember you will do it because you yourself decided to do it, not because your role model, your parent, your rabbi, your priest or your ustadz say so. Own the decision making! You will be more free !

I would like to end this heavy topic with a bit of intermezzo. With the boom of social networking sites, such as facebook or myspace, friendster and the like… The chance are that you have been reconnect with someone in the pass that probably near to become part of your history. Ex-girlfriend, would-be boyfriend, ex-boss that you argue with, that SOB from uni, etc.  Let us focus to the ex-girlfriend/boyfriend or would-be boyfriend/girlfriend in your past – that is your “road not taken”. Relate with the matter – focus. And then try to remember which decision of yours that actually make it un-taken. Dig deeper until you find that, yes… that’s because I – myself – decide that. (Westlife’s hit below could help you into the mood)

At the end you need to realize that, you are now is due to what you decided on the past. Once you reach this point you will be empowered and clearly see and understand that you can be in control of your future. And more so, never be worried again of all those road not taken.

Kachow !

If I let you Go

Westlife

Day after day
Time passed away
And I just can’t get you off my mind
Nobody knows, I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can’t find

The courage to show to letting you know
I’ve never felt so much love before

And once again I’m thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
if I let you go?

Night after night I hear myself say
Why can’t this feeling just fade away
There’s no one like you (no one like you)
You speak to my heart (speak to my heart)
It’s such a shame we’re worlds apart

I’m too shy to ask, I’m too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I’m thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me? (oh yeah)
How will I know
if I let you go ?

If I let you go oh baby
Once again I’m thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
But if I let you go I will never know
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know